..::Nebraska Democratic GLBT Caucus

October 11th is National Coming Out Day. Over the years, I've had a number of heterosexual friends and acquaintances ask, "Why do you need to come out of the closet? It seems like you're bragging about something that should remain private." It's a good question that I do not brush off.

Most gay and lesbian people have tried staying in the closet. They encounter a whole lot of unanticipated demons and ghosts in that closet. First, they discover that in order to remain in the closet they must begin with a simple lie, a lie to themselves, a lie that they are like everyone else when they are not. This simple lie is repeated multiple times each day. It is repeated to those that you are closest to - your mother and father, your siblings, your grandparents, your friends, your teachers, your coaches, your co-workers, your pastor, and the list goes on. This simple lie is: You are attracted to the opposite sex. So the giggles over juvenile sex jokes are false, starting in middle school and continuing on through life. Your dad's ribbing about a pretty girl becomes a tortuous experience. Your mother's admonishment that you never date is a heavy weight you carry. You start to spin more lies to keep everyone from suspecting the first simple lie, and then life gets complicated. You date the opposite sex because you must. You feign interest, desire, even love all because you don't want to hurt anyone. The stress increases. You often turn to alcohol, and sometimes even drugs to wipe out the pain. Your mental and physical health start to suffer. Somewhere in the mist of this, you realize you must do something to feel your feelings again. So starts the timid forays into The Life, a proscribed life bounded by bars, traveling pot luck dinners and parties in people's homes, and a series of clandestine support group meetings. You hope no one sees you, and no one from your work or church recognizes you. For some, it's a series of bad choices leading to anonymous encounters in alleys and bathrooms.

On the brighter side, many folks like myself venture out to the rare non-alcohol-related dance or event and meet someone new, date and fall in love. Now, what? Does the gay or lesbian individual decide to save the feelings of family, friends and co-workers and lie about their relationship? So now when you gather to shoot the breeze over a cup of latte at work, you pretend you did nothing last weekend? You don't dare tell the story about going to the latest movie and laughing till you spilt popcorn all over your life partner. The reaction may cost you your job! When the annual employee picnic rolls around, you end up telling the love of your life to stay home because your ashamed of her or him. When mom and dad beg you to come for the holidays, you leave the most important person you'll ever be with home alone to watch reruns of "It's a Wonderful Life". You and your life partner miss all of the important dates, milestones and celebrations because you don't want anyone to know. You live in fear of your job. You fear your own relatives will appear at your door at an inopportune moment. You fear your neighbors will accuse you of horrible crimes because they know your kind cannot be trusted. Your pastor preaches hateful sermons, urging your parish to abandon you and your kind.

So in spite of finding the love of your life, your mental and physical health decline. You spend more time tending to your lies than your life. Frankly, most gay and lesbian people never come out of the closet. The fear is too overwhelming, too paralyzing. The lives of closeted gay and lesbian people lead are painful at best. Too many friends, too many people I've known have succumbed to alcohol and drugs, to mental health issues, to destroyed physical health, and too often to suicide. I've attended too many funerals of too many friends that died young and alone, and even worse yet, old and abandoned and forgotten.

When faced with all these consequences of closeting as a young woman, I weighed my options. Certainly, this process was not easy. Raised Catholic, sent to parochial school, I started with the only thing I had left to me - I prayed. I recalled the story of Peter in the Garden when the Centurion approached Peter three times and asked if he knew Jesus, if he was his friend. Three times Peter denied any friendship with Jesus, sealing his doom. Peter sealed his own despair more than he did Jesus's fateful crucifixion. I asked myself, "Will I be like Peter and deny the love that God has given to me, or will I embrace God's will?" For a Catholic girl like me, there was only one answer, even if it was not the one that pleased my family, church and friends.

I'm forever thankful that my life has not been built upon a series of so-called protective lies. The air I breathe is free of this terrible yoke.

National Coming Out Day is about honesty. Coming out saves lives, not only of gay and lesbian people, but most certainly those closest to them. When someone comes out to you, embrace them, support them. Then realize that our country's second-class citizenship for gays and lesbians actually harms us all by diminishing the humanity of our fellow citizens only because of who they love in life. Relationship building in all its forms is community building and should always be supported as the foundation of any fair and open society. Equality before the law must be granted to the gay community if we want to truly call this a free country.

For more information about lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered issues and to join, the Nebraska Democrats LGBT Caucus, go to: www.lgbtdemocrats.org.